Why do I like to be like others?
"You seem to be like Person X" is a comment that once made me happy when I heard it, because it meant that I was on the right path to success.
When I asked why, I would get responses like: your persona, the way you speak, the language you use and the questions you ask all came across as though you are just like Person X.
I often just smiled and continued on the conversation.
I didn't think much about it then because I was focused on becoming successful, and in my mind, to be successful was to be like another successful person.
My plan was simple. Find successful people, learn how they think, how they work, how they interact and all the way to how they dress, then absorb everything as quickly as possible. I took "put yourself in their shoes" literally and followed it to the letter.
This non-stop chase for success was my way of life and I achieved small wins along the way. But if I was that good at learning from others, why did I still not feel as successful as them?
At first I thought I wasn't learning hard enough, or that I lacked the resources they had. Each time I hit a milestone, something felt off, so I would give up on the current role model and go looking for a new one. The same loop repeated itself across multiple role models over the years, and I never stayed long enough to grow beyond the imitation.
Slowly, the question I kept asking myself shifted from "Why am I not like them yet?" to something else entirely.
"Do I actually want their success?"
That clarity hit my soul and the lingering fog in my head dispersed. It's hard to describe that feeling, but it felt like every disconnected dot in my mind clicked into place for the first time. The success I had been chasing wasn't mine. It was always theirs.
So what's success for me?
I don't really know yet, but I am discovering. I am letting go of all the frames I inherited around what success should look like, feel like and be worth, and that is harder than it sounds. I have to constantly remind myself, and when I want to do or learn something, I ask myself: is this what I want, or what others want?
I am also bringing balance back to my own life, calming my nervous system and reducing the need to chase. Allowing discovery at its own pace.
These are the small wins I celebrate now.